


The Master's Companion

by JulisCaesar



Category: Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 23:13:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3707123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JulisCaesar/pseuds/JulisCaesar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For some reason, there is an elephant in the Master's TARDIS. He would like to register his displeasure with this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Master's Companion

After a particularly futile attempt to take over a star system and not coincidentally get the Doctor’s attention, the Master returned to his TARDIS to find an elephant standing in the console room.

There was a long pause.

At the time, the Master didn’t know it was an elephant. All he knew was that it was a _pigsoleximas_ , that it was large and grey and oddly shaped, and that it was in the middle of his console room, blocking his access to the navigational panel.

The Master stared at the _pigsoleximas_ in the vague hope it would move out of the way.

The _pigsoleximas_ chewed noisily on something.

Glaring at it, the Master edged carefully around the side of the console room. It probably wasn’t a ‘farewell gift’ from his latest lot of failed minions, which was good, but it also probably wasn’t an actual gift from the Doctor.

There was another long pause, during which the Master contemplated a number of reactions, and the _pigsoleximas_ continued chewing.

Finally the creature moved an appendage—probably an overly long nose—and waved it at him.

_Hello_ , the TARDIS translation matrix said helpfully.

The Master was unsure whether to glare at the _pigsoleximas_ or the TARDIS console and settled for glaring at nothing in particular. “Go away.”

He wasn’t looking, so he couldn’t see what the creature did, but the translation matrix said _Why?_

There was a tiny part of the Master that was aware the Doctor would be laughing themself sick at this. “You’re in the way.”

_Am not._

The Master looked at it, really _looked_ , and decided that yes, the creature was very much in the way. “Yes, you are.”

The _pigsoleximas_ looked back. It had two eyes—two of most things, really, it was very much an Earth creature—and both were large and brown. The appendage poked the TARDIS console. _This is not necessary_.

“Yes it is!” The Master stomped towards the _pigsoleximas_. “You are in the way. That is my navigation panel, and you are between me and it, and why are _you_ ,” he jabbed a finger at the TARDIS console, “even helping it?”

The TARDIS mentally shrugged.

The _pigsoleximas_ made a gesture that apparently translated to _you’re small and noisy and I need more food_.

“I’m poisonous,” the Master said promptly.

In the space that followed, he sidled over to the communications panel and punched in the code for the Doctor’s TARDIS.

The TARDIS whirred loudly, and an image of the Doctor appeared on the nearest viewscreen. “Hello?”

“There is an alien in my TARDIS,” the Master said, drumming his fingers on the console.

“Is there?” The Doctor looked delighted.

The Master glared at his former friend, arms crossed over his chest. “Is it one of yours?”

The Doctor feigned innocence, blue eyes wide. “Mine?”

“Don’t play the fool,” the Master snapped. “This _creature_ in my console room. Is it your fault?”

The TARDIS pinged. _Occupants of console room: you_.

The Master growled, pushing a button on the console at random. “It’s gone,” he snarled, and stalked out of the room.

* * *

 

He found the _pigsoleximas_ in his bedroom.

_Hay?_ the TARDIS translation matrix said, accompanied by a solid stare from the _pigsoleximas_.

“Get. Out,” the Master told it flatly.

The _pigsoleximas_ flapped its ears, first one, then the other. _No_ , the TARDIS translation matrix put in.

Shaking his head, the Master took a step towards the _pigsoleximas_. “How did you even get in here?”

The _pigsoleximas_ shook its head back and forth, rolling side to side. _How should I know._

The Master groaned, sitting on the bed. “Why are you here?”

It made the same head motion and backed out of his room.

Poking the TARDIS mental presence gently, he told her to turn the lights down.

* * *

 

Waking up, unfortunately, did not improve matters.

The _pigsoleximas_ was not in his room. It also was not in the zero room, the library, the kitchen, or anywhere else along the main corridors. Additionally, _someone_ had completely wrecked the food machine. Annoyed, he went to the console room to track it down, only to discover several things in quick succession.

First, the dimensional stabilizer was broken again—the console room was easily three times the size of the one he had left.

Second, it had been redecorated, from his preferred black to the sort of tropical forest he usually found himself chasing the Doctor around in.

Third, the central console looked as if something very large and heavy had sat on it, and then determinedly removed all the screws.

And fourth, the _pigsoleximas_ was standing in the centre, pushing the removed screws around with its trunk.

The Master tried not to make any undignified noises and failed, horribly. “You dismantled my console room!”

The _pigsoleximas_ picked one screw up with the tip of its trunk and raised it to its eye. _I was bored_ , the TARDIS translation matrix said helpfully.

“The zero room was just down the corridor!”

It dropped the screw and scratched behind one large flappy ear with the trunk. _Looked at it, still bored._

He blinked, completely at a loss for what to do. “And the food machine,” he sputtered, “broken!”

Chewing on nothing in particular, the _pigsoleximas_ flicked at the pile of screws. _It wouldn’t produce branches._

The Master spun on one heel and left the room.

* * *

 

The library was very nearly useless, so he got the TARDIS to produce a secondary console room and to land on Earth. When he turned on the scanner, it showed a tropical forest much like the one the console room had been turned into. The Master smirked and ejected  what was formerly the main console room. It was then simple to set the TARDIS orbiting a barren moon, letting him work on repairs.

The TARDIS failed to take off.

The Master blinked. He had a Type 76, a middle of the road perfectly serviceable TARDIS with none of the quirks and vagaries of the Doctor’s. She flew like she was brand new, and the most trouble he’d ever had with her was inevitably caused by unwelcome visitors.

He made the connection.

_We are_ not _keeping it_ , he hissed at her. _I travel alone_.

She sent back an equation. _1+1=2_

He gave up. Arguing with a TARDIS was futile and not something he found particularly enjoyable. Prodding the console, he opened the doors to let the _pigsoleximas_ back in.

* * *

 

They did not reach a truce. A truce would imply, on some level, that he gave up. Surrendered. Backed down.

So whatever the situation was, it was not a truce. It was a stalemate, he thought, looking at the _pigsoleximas_ and wondering what he had ever done to deserve this. It was standing in a room that looked a little like a barn and a little like a forest, chewing on hay.

The room had not existed five spans previously.

“I left you in the zero room,” the Master said tiredly. He had brought the thing back in and put it in the zero room, and finally managed to get his TARDIS off the ground and someplace neutral.

The _pigsoleximas_ snorted, and made a gesture with its trunk. _I didn't like it there. I floated._

The Master, who had spent more time than he wanted to think about removing dents from the corridor walls, said, with admirable patience, “That was the whole point .”

The _pigsoleximas_ flicked a piece of hay at him. _Too bad. Do you have grain?_

“No,” he said, trying not to completely lose his patience. “You damaged my TARDIS!”

It blinked, and chewed. _And? Do you know where to get grain?_

“Anywhere but here,” the Master snapped and stalked off, beginning to get tired of being driven out of his own rooms by an alien.

* * *

 

The first time they returned to Earth was a complete accident. He was aiming for Mars, where the Doctor was, but he wasn’t used to the new console yet and entered the wrong coordinates. Or else, his TARDIS was playing with him again.

Either way, they exited the TARDIS into some place decently warm, which the _pigsoleximas_ appreciated, and not overly filled with humans, which the Master appreciated.

The _pigsoleximas_ wound up in the woods outside a small town, experimenting with new plants and terrorizing the local wildlife.

The Master took over a library.

In addition to the projected delight of getting to chase the Doctor around in a building full of distractions, he had another, more pragmatic reason. Libraries had reference books.

The _pigsoleximas_ , it turned out, was called an elephant.

This was important because the Doctor had humans and what the Master had, albeit under protest, was definitely not that.

For some reason, the Doctor failed to show up. Sulking, the Master stole the _Megafauna of the Modern World_ book and returned to his TARDIS.

Somehow the elephant had already gotten in. He glared at it and the TARDIS console in equal measure, and took off for places unknown.

* * *

 

The second time they returned to Earth was completely intentional. He had a brilliant plan to use a shapeshifting robot to take over Earth, and there was no way it could go wrong this time.

No way, at least, until he stepped out of the TARDIS and the elephant followed him and the robot out.

The TARDIS translation matrix said, _Why are we on earth again?_

The Master sighed. “Go back inside.”

_No_. It sounded like the elephant had planted its feet.

Turning, he managed to make eye contact. “I am the Master, and you will—”

The elephant swatted him with its trunk.

He stumbled but succeeded in staying upright. “This will not work with you following me around,”  he hissed.

The elephant blinked at him. _Bored._

Gritting his teeth, he began walking. Both the elephant and the robot followed. “Very well. But no interfering with my plan.”

_I do not like Earth._

He was tempted to ignore this, but experience on the TARDIS said that the elephant was extremely stubborn. “It's your home don't you like it?”

_People yell at me._

If the blasted thing would just let him think, he would be able to come up with a way to conquer the world, elephant in tow. “You’re an _elephant._ ”

It tapped him on the shoulder. _And you're a thing with too many limbs but they don't yell at you._

“They can't see that.” And it was extremely odd that the elephant could.

For a moment the heavy sound of the elephant’s footsteps paused. _Well they don't yell until you mess up._ The elephant started walking again.

“If you stay out of sight, they won’t yell at you either.” He nearly had a grasp on the plan, built around not so much taking over the world as destabilizing its timeline. It wasn’t his normal fare at all, but he supposed he could make it work.

* * *

 

It did not work. The Doctor showed up unexpectedly, which at least was par for the course, but the strain of hypnotising every human who saw the elephant had proved a fatal distraction. It was very important, in fact critically so, that the Doctor not find out he still had the alien with him. The Doctor would think that he was going soft, which was absolutely false. He hadn’t killed the elephant because it provided a source of mental stimulation, something that the Doctor had been rather lacking in recently. Until his former friend decided to demonstrate it at the worst time possible. The Doctor took the robot and the victory, and the Master slunk back into his TARDIS. With the elephant, who had somehow managed to navigate through a castle and into the dungeons.

The elephant vanished shortly after take-off, which was probably healthy, and the Master instigated a communication with the Doctor’s TARDIS.

The Doctor was both alone and extremely smug. “You can’t possibly miss me already.”

“Shut up. How do you get rid of companions?”

The Doctor frowned. “I… Well usually, it’s more that they get rid of _me_. Some of them marry, but most of them just… Decide it’s time to move on.”

The Master scowled. “How do you encourage them to move on, then?”

There was a pause, and then a look of realization spread across the Doctor’s face. “Do you still have the elephant? You _do_ , don’t you?”

Which was precisely when the elephant came back into the console room, hay all over its back, making content noises as it chewed on a piece of bamboo.

The Doctor looked at the elephant, looked at the Master, and burst out laughing.

**Author's Note:**

> I spent 4-6 hours a week from June 2014 to March 2015 taking observations on the elephants at my local zoo. At some point when it was 35 and raining, this seemed like a good idea.
> 
> The elephant in this fic is based directly off one of the girls at the zoo.


End file.
